The last few days have been unbearably difficult. Confrontation with Sam regarding his relapse, trauma triggers, anxiety, a nose and throat cold (yay), work… I could spend the next week in bed. However, there was an event every day and I had to soldier on. My kids were with me and that helped even though I was blowing up at them over nothing and feeling guilty. It was my friends, though, that really kept me from falling into a dark hole.
In the past, I’ve always retreated inward when faced with depression. Some of that is because the nature of what I’ve been going through was so private that I didn’t think I had a choice. Most of it is because I get so overwhelmed by physical exhaustion that I don’t have the energy to reach out to anyone. During the last few days, my friends buoyed me through the storm.
When a good friend called me to check in, I didn’t try to sound better than I was. I let her see me hurting and started to cry without a word. She just breathed out deeply and let me know that she was there. She was sad for me and cried too. She didn’t say too much and the call wasn’t long but her presence and compassion gave me solace; more so than a “rah, rah, don’t take shit cuz you hot girl!” kind of support from friends who don’t know what this is like.
I’m grateful. For me, this is how friends can best help. Just be available and listen.
Being Hahn 